1066 All Stars

* As a family treat yesterday, we indulged in a McDonald's for lunch. I knew it was a mistake to do it but couldn't resits weighing in this morning to see what damage was done and I was...

10st 12lbs!

* I am on holiday for the next week which presents a new challenge. This may sound strange but the transition from work to holiday can be difficult. This frequently occurs at weekends too where I find my anxiety levels are extremely high, my mood in contrast to that at work.

What is going on here? I think part of it is simply tiredness, the body and mind relaxing, leaving me exhausted for the first day in particular.

But part of it is mental health. My mind wanders to the things to be done, either household chores or activities with the kids. Or I start to worry that I am not being a good enough dad, that I'm too irritable, that I will look back on their early years with a deep sense of regret and missed opportunity.This leads to rumination on the past and procrastination on the future, an unhealthy combination that opens the door to let depression sneak in.

* A friend suggested that I allow myself to relax the plan for or two days a week to ensure that resentment doesn't creep in. It's a strange one. On the one hand, I completely agree and had reached the same conclusion.

On the other, whenever I deviate from the plan, I have a deep sense of guilt and a fear that I have suddenly piled on about 8lbs (see this morning's post).

This fear is driven by a sense that there is always more to be done, driven by my perfectionsim schema, and that is in turn undermined by my defectiveness schema, that tells me that nothing I achieve is ever good enough. It is a daily battle to put these into perspective, which is where mindfulness comes into play.