1066 All Stars

Day 76 - 15th November

Food Log

Breakfast - Weetabix minis

Lunch - Salad with 2x slices french toast

Dinner - Beef curry with rice

Dessert - Chocolate chip cookie

In Between Meal Snacks

* Banana

* 3x rice cakes

* Handful of grapes

* Onion rings (crisps)

Thoughts & Feelings

* A weekend in Hastings and a conscious decision made to somewhat relax the regime but with an eye on the waistline. Firstly, I reverted to a standard meal plan of light(ish) lunch and full, carby dinner. Secondly, a bag of onion rings sat invitingly half finished on the kitchen counter and I decided to give in to temptation and give them a good home. No regrets. I am not a monk, a few moments of relaxation here and there are both acceptable and sensible for the long term benefit of the regime.

* I have stated before how the weekend brings its own, very different pressure from the working week and a trip to Hastings is yet another change. One interesting point is that I am able to recognise it as such. In the past, I may have become anxious, agitated or moody and not understood why, ruminating on it afterwards, regret feeding depression. Now, I appreciate that this represents a change and change can bring about anxiety. This understanding brings the capacity to prepare, accept and adapt.

* This clearly manifested in a couple of ways today. After a poor night's sleep, I found my anxiety levels becoming very high during the afternoon. I was becoming increasingly annoyed by Aiden crying, a baby of 6 months who can do nothing about it. Any question put to me was immediately shut down in my mind, no decision possible regardless of complexity. We ended up taking the kids to the park, the change in scenary bringing a change in mood which more or less saw me through the rest of the day.

* My anxiety and related agitation also impacts my relationship and interaction with family and has in the past been the primary source of regret and recrimination on the drive home. I often reflect on how I spoke, how I came across. Was I too curt, too agressive, too arrogant, too dismissive? In some senses I live a different life to my family and yet this remains my home, spiritually and, in a sense, literally. This remains where I am grounded. Today, I could sense my anxiety levels were high and whilst not always able to control how I would liked to have reacted in quite the way I wanted, the fact that I was aware helps me to accept. Acceptance is the first step on the path to change.