1066 All Stars

Day 46 - 16th October

Food Log

Breakfast - Bran flakes with sultanas

Lunch - Ham roll

Dinner - Turkey with salad, garlic bread, handful of pasta

Dessert - Ice cream lolly and nanny sweets

In Between Meal Snacks

3x (yes, 3x) rice cake

Apple

Go Ahead fruit slice (x3)

Hot chocolate drink

2x Tic Tacs

Thoughts & Feelings

 * The day started off on a bad footing when I woke with a thumping headache. It was doubly disappointing given that I had taken co-codamol the previous evening for a similar pain. I actually considered calling in to work sick so that I could sleep it off but I inevitably carried on.

* Perhaps this was on my mind when conversation at work turned to a general discussion about sickness. It got me thinking about my own experience of long term illness. Before being made redundant, I had been signed off work and undergoing therapy for depression and anxiety for 2 months, extended to 3 until my contract was 'mutually' terminated. It occurred to me today though that, despite all I have experienced and learnt, there is still a big part of me that refuses to accept these conditions as an illness. They are instead a problem to be overcome, like a quadratic equation.

* The reality of course is that  I was ill. In some ways I still am. Yes, I was capable of working, evidenced by the fact that I had done so for the previous however many years. But that is black and white thinking. The truth lies in a shade of grey whereby I could work but at nowhere near my capability and at great cost to my personal health. That is no way to live.

* The pain and associated tiredness contributed to me caving early and having a hot chocolate, or as I prefer to think of it, liquid calories. For the same reason I couldn't resist the extra rice cake.

* It was offset to an extent at lunch. With nothing prepared, I had intended a shortish stroll to Sainsbury's to buy a budget lasagne to heat in the office. However, shortly after setting off, I decided that I fancied a longer walk, so headed in the other direction, stopping off on the way back to pick up a bread roll and some ham.

* Still hungry though.

* The pain continued into the afternoon, spreading across my shoulders. It makes me feel physically sick. I noted that my packet of Ibuprofen makes the bold claim to be 'effective pain relief.' This is a lie.

* Given my tiredness and relatively light lunch, I figured a small amount of carbs w=for dinner was sensible. Funny though how I felt as if my stomach was growing exponentially with each carb filled mouthful.