1066 All Stars

Wouldn't it be nice to jump in a time machine and go back and fix some of the things that went wrong?

None of the big things, just some of the small things. You know, those things that pop into your head at two in the morning for no reason and make you embarrassed, even though no-one else knows what it was or that you're thinking about it.

Well, here are a few of mine...

...the time I decided to 'fix' the broken plug, couldn't pull the socket off the wall so shoved the screwdriver in there, only to discover that I hadn't turned the electricity off and got the shock of my life...

...the 'short cut' that ended up with us going in a circle and adding thirty minutes to the journey...

...preparing some red hot chillies with my hands, stopping to go for a pee, then wondering why my, er, 'special area' was stinging like an angry wasp...

...slipping over in the snow just as a bus full of passengers drove past...

...walking through town, noticing a draft in the leg area and noticing that my fly had been open for goodness knows how long...

...admiring my mum's new bathroom, reaching up to inspect the shower rail and pulling it down, breaking it in two...

...aged six or seven, pointing to a 'To Let' sign, thinking it said toilet...

...walking out of the chip shop, reach down to take a bite of my jumbo sausage and drop it on the floor, pick it up hoping no-one noticed and see a woman walking past who stopped and said, 'I saw that'...

...getting drunk at a work party, getting out of the taxi to be sick then staggering home for five miles and feeling so ill that I don't make it in the next day, only to find when I get back in on Monday that someone made up a story that I wet myself in a taxi and was thrown out...

...getting one of my girls ready for bed, put on her sleepsuit and can't figure out why it doesn't quite fit, only to realise that I have put her arms in the leg holes and legs in the arm holes...

...and many, many more.