1066 All Stars

It’s almost my birthday. Hooray!

Inevitably then people start asking what I want, to which my usual response is something along the lines of, ‘I don’t know, I don’t really need anything.’

Well this year I have a very firm idea of what I want for my birthday. And the best news is, it doesn’t cost a penny.

You see, I want to stop feeling as if I am inadequate.

I want to stop constantly comparing myself to others.

I want to stop searching for the negatives, constantly seeking to reaffirm the very worst thoughts I hold about myself.

I want to stop feeling that I cannot cope.

I want to stop assuming it is always my fault.

I want to stop shutting people out through fear that they might not want to come in.

I want to stop feeling this way.

Instead, I want to recognise that I am good enough.

I want to recognise that I have my own strengths and my own values.

I want to recognise that I am kind, thoughtful, witty and clever.

I want to acknowledge what I have achieved and how far I have come.

I want to recognise that I have a pretty good record at getting it right.

I want to start inviting people in and see who wants to stay.

I want to change.

Of course the truth is that these are not gifts that anyone can buy for me. You won’t find these on the shelves or at Amazon. These are concepts and thinking patterns that I must embrace, slowly but surely.

So often, birthdays leave me feeling low, the sense of obligation to enjoy myself overwhelming me. I am not being miserable or grumpy. I feel fundamentally sad, lonely in a world full of people.

So this year, I don’t need a book, a game or a DVD. I don’t need the latest gadget or some expensive shirt. I need your help, your support and your understanding.

There might not be a party but this is my life and you are all invited.