1066 All Stars

Current weight - 11st

Starting weight - 12st 6lbs

Lowest weight - 10st 12lbs

Thoughts

* I wasn't sure that I could be bothered to write this update. I get these occasional moments of thinking, what's the point? Who reads it? I post these things and no-one comments. I post a heartfelt piece of poetry that explores some inner pain and no-one replies. I post links to my books and the same 3 people share, even when I specifically request help in spreading the word. Why do I waste my time?

* And so I remind myself that this is for my benefit, a way of exploring my thoughts and feelings. If no-one else is reading, then so be it.

* I have become disappointingly stuck at or around the 11st mark. I dip down to 10st 13lbs and, reassuringly, never go above 11st but I can't seem to get any lower.

* In part this is undoubtedly due to the fact that I have slackened the reigns slightly. With Easter been and gone, there is still a shed load of chocolate knocking around the house which I inevitably will need to eat. I have also accepted the occasional biscuit or chocolate at work where usually I would steadfastly resist. But I have to allow myself these one off indulgences. And to take the positive, I have maintained my exercise regime. And, as I posted right at the top of this entry, it is always worth reminding myself of where I started.

* Work has been on my mind a lot recently. I have a fundamental sadness about my vocational life. I spend 8-odd hours a day doing it and yet I can think of only a handful of times in my professional life where I have felt genuinely happy. I explored these feelings in a recent story, Drive, which looked at the challenge of finding confidence again after the numbing shock of both mental illness and redundancy. It is something with which I continue to struggle.