1066 All Stars

Wednesday

Yesterday's weight - 11st 0lbs

Today's weight - 10st 13lbs

Food Log

* Choco caramel cereal with sultanas

* 2x rice cakes

* 3x Fruit slice (1 pack)

* Apple

* Crisps

* 2x slice leftover pork

* Chicken and bacon salad (lunch)

* Chicken Tonight with vegetables (dinner)

* Jam tart (dessert)

Exercise

Walking - 40 mins

Thoughts

* Wednesday, which means crisp day. Although to be honest I wasn't that fussed about eating them. I'm not sure that points to any great dietary change so much as the fact that I am bored of munching my way through the pack of monster munch I bought weeks ago. That's the trouble with having one packet a week, it takes you an age to get through the bag.

* My first movement in weight and it will be interesting to see from here if it maintains for a few days or fluctuates straight back up.

* Limited walking today as a result of lunchtime chores.

* There have been two incidents in the last week, both work related, that have spiked my anxiety. The details are irrelevant but of interest to me was the lie I told to myself. ideally, both incidents would have been assessed, dealt with or parked. Instead they consumed me, all my mental energies were tied into worrying about them. And here is the lie; I told myself that it was okay to spend some time being anxious, that I would allow myself some 'worry time' then box it off and put it to one side. But I never did. I kept worrying. At work, on the drive home, with the kids, the next morning.

* I tried to step back from these incidents and wonder why they caused me anxiety and I think it comes down to a lack of control. By not dealing with an issue at source, I allowed it to snowball into something bigger. To resolve, I had to take positive action, take my power back.

* A different anxiety - I bought myself a book / magazine today for £10. But the decision to buy was agonising. Having just been paid an annual bonus, a £10 treat to self is not unreasonable and yet I was momentarily paralysed by indecision.

The item itself is not important (who am I kidding, it was an awesome retro gaming mag on the Amiga) but why was the decision so difficult. This cuts to the heart of my mental illness experience whereby I have seemingly lost perspective on decisions. Whatever I do, I judge myself as wrong.