1066 All Stars

Tuesday

Yesterday's weight - 11st 0lbs

Today's weight - 11st 0lbs

Food Log

* Choco caramel cereal with sultanas

* 2x rice cakes

* 3x Fruit slice (1 pack)

* Apple

* Yoghurt

* pork with rice, peas and carrots in chilli sauce (lunch)

* Chicken curry with veg (dinner)

* Lemon fancy (dessert)

Exercise

Walking - 1 hour

Thoughts

* Second day and no change in weight.

* A strong craving for sweets today. I needed some milk from Sainsbury's but was worried I would give in and buy a bag of midget gems. So I employed some straight up avoidance and skipped the shops completely. I have sacrificed an afternoon cup of tea but I think it was worth it.

* It does raise another point though about denying vs treating myself. There is a danger that I have swung too far the other way; where once I would indulge whenever I liked, now I feel as if I can't even sniff a chocolate hob nob without feeling guilty, exemplified by declining the offer of a celebratory cream bun in the office. Clearly there is a balance to be drawn somewhere.

* My healthy living regime has undoubtedly been a Good Thing as I have lost 18lbs. But I remain disappointed at the apparent lack of health benefit. I remain tired, I struggle for concentration, I remain spotty.

* But here is the biggest difficulty with mental illness; how much of this is down to fitness, interest and biology and how much is down to depression and anxiety? I find it a real struggle to understand if I should push harder or be kinder to myself to the point that any decision, including lack thereof, is rendered inherently wrong as there are so many other possibilities.

* The hardest thing about living with mental illness is the expectation from others that you will still carry on as normal.