1066 All Stars

Day 70 - 9th November

Food Log

Breakfast - Some sort of honey grain boulders that the girls didn't like

Lunch - Roast chicken dinner

Dinner - Cheese salad roll, 2x cocktail sausages, side salad

Dessert - 1/4 chocolate cheesecake

In Between Meal Snacks

* 1x rice cakes

* 1x biscuit

* 1x cocktail sausage

Thoughts & Feelings

* I made a late decision to switch the roast to lunchtime with the dual purpose of 1) opening up the afternoon and early evening for other tasks and 2) having carbs early. It worked for the first, allowing us to get out as a family, albeit just to Tesco as well as taking the pressure off dinner time. The second point was less successful as I ended up eating a roll. As much as I want to control evening carbs, I am also conscious of wasting food (and therefore money) unnecessarily. The roll needed using, I took the pragmatic approach.

* Dinner is already prepared, a home made chicken and vegetable soup. A cheap, healthy, low carb meal.

* It has been a difficult weekend mood wise and I wasn't sure I could be bothered with exercise but I stuck to the commitment I had made to myself to use the Wii. I did about 23 minutes exercise, including a little run which puffed me out far more than I would like. I was interested to note during a yoga pose that my mind acknowledged that, with no net curtains, anyone could look in the window and see me gurning like a loon. But I didn't care. I was bettering myself. If that gives someone cause to laugh then perhaps it is not me that has the problem.

* I set about righting a wrong today. Some time ago I cracked through my Facebook friends list and trimmed off half of them based on a combination of reasons. The principle, underlying cause though was that I was in a bad mood and I made a decision that I almost immediately regretted. If it had been Twitter, where you can follow or unfollow at will, I would have reversed the decision. But I was stuck with it. Historically, I have usually not gone about adding people on Facebook, rather waiting for someone to add me. It is I believe a control thing. If I ask, they may say no. If I am asked, I have the power to decide. Therapy reminds me of the importance of change. If you keep doing the same things you will keep getting the same result. So I did things differently and sent close to a dozen friend requests. 

* It is little instances like this that reinforce the potency of the lessons I learned in therapy. It is a daily battle against anxiety and depression but it is one I can win, with patience and understanding.

* Balloongate (see The Anxiety Diaries) - I almost dreaded coming downstairs this morning. I had thoughts of coming face to face with a deflated Noddy, hanging limply over the arm of a chair whilst the other Noddy stood proudly above him, sniffing the ceiling, leaving me to deal with one distruaght child and one happy child. In reality, the balloon is no more deflated than yesterday. It still causes my anxiety just to look at the thing and I want to inflate it back up to its full glory. It is a petty anxiety in many ways but illustrative of the issues my mind tries to deal with. Mindfulness would remind me not to judge, therapy would remind me that I can change. I am trying.