1066 All Stars

End of week 10 - 8th November

Starting weight - 12st 4lb

Last weight - 11st 4lb

New weight - 11st 6lb

Comments

* Well, what a crushing disappointment. I had been looking forward to this weigh in. Based on the midweek result and some decent exercise, I had high hopes of getting down to 11st 3lbs. So to find myself back up to 11st 6lbs is both surprising and deflating.

* Some balance is perhaps required to manage the emotions. My diet has been a little inconsistent this week but not a disaster. Same for the exercise. But the key thing is that I feel as though I have lost weight. My stomach feels flatter, my trousers are looser. It is important I think not to get too hung up on a number. There has to be a measurement of course but the most important thing is how I feel.

* Speaking of which...Saturday today, which always seems to bring heightened emotion. The end of the working weeks really gets to me. I am worn out, frustrated and find my irritability levels are extremely high. What should be a fun day with the kids becomes an exercise in frustration and tolerance.

* The parenting routine is difficult. I am up at 6.30am and make Aiden's milk and the girls breakfast before getting ready for work. The working day merits a blog of its own and I arrive home somewhere around 5.45pm, at which point I am assailed by wailing banshees. I then sometimes have to cook their dinner, then maybe make Aiden's milk, then give everyone a bath, then get everyone to bed, then cook my own dinner, then get bottles and dishes washed for the next day, then get Aiden's milk and hot water prepared for the next morning. In between all that, I try to balance what I want to do against what I feel obligated to do.

* Perhaps inevitably, this builds up a resentment. There are times when I don't want this responsibility. I remember a time when life wasn't so serious, when I would be out until 3am and would roll into work still hungover, battling to stay awake until the end of the day so that I could go out and do it all again. Now, I struggle to stay awake because of the kids or something I am anxious about. I can't even countenance being hungover.

* This is a mental health trap that I keep falling into, my mind drifting to the past and glorifying it, rather than managing the present and building a new future. But it is hard. As blessed as I undoubtedly am in so many ways, there are aspects of my life that I simply don't like and I don't know how to change them.

* Oh, and to anyone reading the above and wondering, 'Well what does Karen do?' I would simply ask you this question; have you had twins? Do you have any idea what it is like trying to bring up multiples and a baby at the same time? They are constantly demanding, constantly require interaction. Opportunities for tidying or house management are limited at best, non existent at worst. It is hard, hard work and completely different from raising siblings of different ages.

* So where do I go next? Well in a dietary sense, nothing changes. I am committed to the path and believe I am heading in the right direction to get to the desired weight. I need to manage the urges to snack whilst being careful not to judge myself needlessly or unfairly.

* And everything else? I plan on releasing two further books by the end of the year. I am particulary looking forward to releasing my children's stories and hope that I can interest locals schools or nurseries to try them out. And everything else? I don't know.