1066 All Stars

9th October

Food Log

Breakfast - Bran flakes & sultanas

Lunch - Chicken curry with rice

Dinner - Pizza!

Dessert - Cornetto

In Between Meal Snacks

2x rice cakes

Banana

Thoughts & Feelings

* I had promised myself a dietary treat this week and so here it is. It makes somewhat of a mockery of having 'dinner' at lunch time but so be it. It's one day. Well two, the pizza will do dinner tomorrow as well. I've been pretty good for the last month and a bit, I'm not going to beat myself up for it.

* What a horrible week. There has been no specific incident but my mood has been very low all week. There have been lots of negative, repetitive thoughts, lots of feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. I don't think any of it is caused by the diet. I'm no scientist so I don't know if the change around of carbs would have any impact in that sense. At a conscious level though, I have been satisfied with my meal arrangements, the rigid mindset that 'dinner' must always be an evening meal has been shattered.

* My low mood may, in part, be a reflection of a conditional called S.A.D. or Seasonal Affective Disorder. The timing fits, as do, frankly, the symptoms (low mood, lack of interest, lethargy), although these symptons could equally apply to common or garden depression. I was certainly incredibly frustrated when heavy rain prevented me from getting out of the office for a lunchtime walk. Frustrated both that I would miss out on exercise (and therefore not lose weight, and get fat, and never hit my weight target, and give up and...so runs the anxious, negative mind). But also because I just needed to get out and stretch my legs.

* I suspect though it is mainly a reflection of where I find myself at the moment. I am frustrated on a number of levels. I want my writing to take off but I need support, awareness and distribution. At the moment, I cannot realistically define it as any more than a hobby. I think I'm pretty good at writing, good enough certainly to be paid in some form or fashion. But at the moment, I am stuck with my 40 Facebook friends and 80 odd Twitter followers.

* I don't know where persistent low mood ends and depression begins. It is a fine line and I seem to be walking it.

* I am very conscious of my anxiety levels being high at the moment. The slightest provocation seems to set me off. I suspect that anxiety as a condition is difficult for non-sufferers to fully grasp and so I will try to explore it in another piece shortly.

* My daily neck pain has also become all consuming, fuelling my anxiety and low mood. I am awaiting a physio appointment, which is a positive development. It cannot go on like this for much longer.