1066 All Stars

What follows is the basic plot outline for a book I have been trying to write for about 10 years.

I have now decided that it would fit better into series of short stories, which I intend to publish here.

I hope you like the premise. Keep you eyes peeled for the first instalment, coming soon exclusively to 1066 All Stars!

Doug is one of life’s great underachievers. He works in a run of the mill job, doing something he hates but is too lazy to find anything else. He has the mistaken belief that a sports agent may one day be lurking in his local pub, ready to sign him up after watching one of his dazzling displays on the pool table.

On the way home from the pub one evening, Doug is kidnapped and bundled into what appears to be a burger van. Actually, the burger van is a shuttle and Doug is taken aboard a space ship orbiting the earth.

Doug’s captor (his name is unpronounceable in English, Doug simply calls him Bob) explains why he has taken him aboard. It transpires that there has been a rather embarrassing blunder by the Galactic Council, as a result of which an evil, murderous overlord has been set free and taken up residence on Earth. In a further unbelievable instance of bureaucratic incompetence, the Evil Overlord has been given the means by which to overthrow the Galactic Council and rule the galaxy. All he needs to do is ensure the ratio of souls going to hell, rather than heaven, reaches at least 51%.

So, where does Doug come in? It turns out that by a freak occurrence of interstellar mathematics, together with the appearance of Hayley’s Comet passing the Earth at just the right moment, Doug is the long-long-long-long (etc) lost great-grandson-once removed-on his mothersnextdoorneighboursside- descendant of the great Dedalus The Great, the renowned saviour of the Galaxy and the man responsible for establishing the Galactic Council as it stands today. He is also the burk who allowed the Evil Overlord to go free.

Through a combination of drunkenness, rank stupidity and the inference of unlimited female admirers, Doug agrees to save the Earth.

In order to do so, he first has to round up his best friends, Jim and Steve. Sadly for the human race, ‘best’ in this context does not refer to capability, more familiarity. And so this band of incompetents set forth to do battle with the Evil Overlord the Dastardly and save the Galaxy!

The story will be split into three broad sections.

The first section covers Doug’s recruitment by Bob and his initial assault on the Evil Overlord's hideout in the bowels of the Earth (reached via a secret tunnel in Croydon). As a result of Doug’s mishandling of this assault, the Evil Overlord is freed from Hell and rises to the surface, turning the planet into a fiery wasteland. Doug and his companions are banished into deep space.

The second section details Doug’s attempts to rectify his mistake. After meeting up with Bob, Doug discovers that the laws of the Galactic Council allow the President to be overthrown if a challenger can obtain the support of at least twelve of the twenty member worlds. As things stand, all the member planets are either too scared or too stupid to challenge the Evil Overlord so Doug must visit each planet in turn to bring them to his cause. During his journey, he will encounter; Geoff, the talking monkey!; The Planet of the Big ‘Eds, a race of artificially created life forms whose heads are so large that they have to be supported by their hands at all times!; the deadly Killer Space Mops, here to wipe the galaxy clean!; and many more!

In the final part, Doug returns to the Earth to confront the Evil Overlord once and for all. The climax will see a shocking, never-before-seen-wellmaybeinstarwars-reveal of the secret relationship between Doug, the Evil Overlord and Dedalus, the fall of the Galactic Council and the Earth is retaken. But by whom?