1066 All Stars

A few months ago I decided to start a new blog series, exploring the roots of my mental health issues. I would work backwards through my life, picking out the key instances and exploring them in more detail. After completing the first part, I moved on, both distracted by other pursuits and having little desire to go over redundancy and parenting again.

With my recent ...

Following my second session of CBT, a chance to take stock what what I have learned and what I hope to achieve.

Firstly though, let's address a couple of important issues.

What Is CBT?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a treatment designed to address the thoughts and feelings that drive our behaviours. It works on the basis that if we can change how we think and feel about a situation or an event, then we can change our behaviour accordingly, wh...

What do you see when you look at me?

The smile on my face or what lurks beneath?

What do you hear when I say hello?

The voice that wants to please or the pain in my soul?

What do you do when alone I stand?

Let me walk by myself or take me by the hand?

What do you think when silence reigns?

Misery? Arrogant? Or something else to blame?

What do you say when I share my thoughts?

It can be difficult to know how to help and support.

...

Not for the first time, I find myself emerging out of a period of low mood, wondering what all the fuss was about.

I try to make a concerted effort to blog my thoughts during these periods but do not always do so when I come out of the other side. This can lead to an imbalance of my writing where it may appear the dark times outweigh the lighter times.

As a result, I have bountiful writing to reflect back on that captures these darker moments and I almost f...

After a 3 year gap, an interesting follow up session with the psychiatrist this week.

I had gone into the appointment with a broad idea of what topics would be covered and whilst they largely were, there were certainly some surprises. The majority of the discussion was taken up with a subject I had not anticipated and one that even I am not brave enough to disclose here! It is an underlying issue but one I had not previously considered as part of my mental make up. In hinds...

It is a strange experiencing walking the road of therapy for the second time.

Of course a lot has changed. First time round, I had no idea what I was doing. Going to see a psychiatrist brought up all sorts of negative connotations in my mind but the key issue was my underlying mindset. At the time, I had no appreciation of mental illness. I thought I was weak, stupid and inferior. I thought there was a hole right through the middle of me, a gap where other people had the ge...

The caveman woke one day and wandered out of his cave. What was this brave new world around him?

He walked and walked until he was very far from home. He had no idea where he was but it was all very exciting.

He came across a market place, then a town. Here he stopped and lived with the locals for a time. He made friends, some very good friends. Yet he always felt on the outside, like a plus one invited to someone else’s party. He was frightened to ...

It’s almost my birthday. Hooray!

Inevitably then people start asking what I want, to which my usual response is something along the lines of, ‘I don’t know, I don’t really need anything.’

Well this year I have a very firm idea of what I want for my birthday. And the best news is, it doesn’t cost a penny.

You see, I want to stop feeling as if I am inadequate.

I want to stop constantly com...

I write a lot about depression but I wonder how many people really, truly understand what it is.

In the past, I have used metaphors to try and explain it. For instance how my brain feels like it is operating in fog or how I feel like I’m wading through treacle. But these metaphors only go so far.

I think it is fair to say that I currently find myself in the midst of a depressive cycle. This is not a couple of days of feeling down, it is a pervasive,...

It is an unfortunate fact of life that, no matter how hard you try, some people just aren’t going to like you.

Now there are many potential responses to this. Some of us will care not a jot, dismissing the opinions of others as irrelevant, taking comfort from their circle of friends and their own sense of self-worth.

Others will be crushed, seeing all their worst fears confirmed and retreating into their shell.

Then there is a third...