1066 All Stars

#healingwords, taken from some of my blogs;

The key thing for me is that I want to get better and now, having climbed out of the well, I want to stay better.

Anxiety is worry of the future, depression regret of the past. I therefore choose to live in the present.

So who am I? Someone on a journey and for once, I am determined to enjoy the ride.

I have faith that, beyond the choppy waters, happiness lies waiting for me on the horizon and I intend to set sail to find it.

Therapy, much like life itself, is not a destination – it is not a one way trip from unwell to well – it is a journey, and for the first time in a long time, I am determined to enjoy the ride.

As a writer, perhaps I can express it best like this. I am the lead character in my own story. There were times when I thought the story was over. But I see now that it has only just begun. There are many more chapters yet to be written.

And I for one cannot wait to find out what happens next.

My life is my own.My choices are my own.

So, what makes me happy? I don't know. But I want to learn.

One step at a time.

Found this in my e-mails. In this of all weeks, nice to look back on some happy memories.

Wedding Speech

My wife and I would like to thank you all for coming today and sharing this special occasion with us, not to mention your generosity with the gifts you have bought us. I know that some of you have travelled quite some distance to be with us and it means a lot to us both that you have made the effort.

It’s a funny thing preparing and performing a speech. Some people, like me, are relatively nervous about it – you don’t want to trip over your words, you hope that your lame gags get a giggle. Then you get people like my new Father in Law and Best Man. I can quite honestly say I’ve never seen two men so relishing the prospect of making a speech quite like these two.

I of course have a number of people I need to thank so I won’t waste too much time.

Firstly I would like to thank Karen’s parents, Phil and Rachel. Their support in getting today organised, not just financially but their time and advice, has been invaluable. Not only that but they have been incredibly welcoming to me since the day they met me and have truly made me feel a part of the family. The bad news for them is that I am of course now part of the family.

As for my parents, they’ll get embarrassed if it gets too mushy. We’re not a family that goes around expressing a great amount of emotion if it isn’t strictly necessary, but tough, it’s my speech. So I’ll take the opportunity to say how grateful I am for the help, advice and support they have always given me, and continue to give me. Truly you have been instrumental in shaping the man I am today…so Phil and Rachel, you know who to blame

Seriously though, whilst each of us could never express thanks enough for all you have done for us over the years, we have a present for each of by way of thank you

Thanks also to Bruce for his lovely service today, as well as all those involved during the ceremony

A big thank you to our Ushers – The Boy, Conroy, Richard and Alan, not to mention Quentin who stood by ready and waiting to step in to the breach for us. For those who don’t know, Alan had an exam this morning and has jumped through untold hoops to be able to make it today. I know Karen would have been devastated if either of her brothers hadn’t been able to make it today so we’re both extremely grateful that they could be here. If I could ask all the Ushers to come up for a moment, we have a momento for each of you as a token of our thanks

We would also like to thank our bridesmaids for the job they have done today and again if I could ask Alice and Helen to step forward, we have a gift for each of you to express our gratitude

I also want to say a big thank you to our special bridesmaid – Rebecca was our flower girl who did a great job today looking after Karen’s dress as she came into the church and we have special little present for her too. Perhaps Mum or Dad could bring her up to get it.

A big thank you to all the staff today at the Mitre, especially Liz and Emma who have helped us get everything organised.

And now, I turn to my “Best Man”. A best man must be someone who’s friendship you have valued for years, who you would trust with your life, who will stand with you on the biggest day of your life, a man of such unimpeachable integrity that you ask him to keep hold of the wedding rings, a symbol of the sacred bond you are about to seal with your future partner. Well, they must be in short supply because the best I could come up with was Jon. Actually, I do need to say a particular thank you to his wife Claire who is due to give birth to their first child in about four days. We’ve been keeping fingers (and legs) crossed that she could hold on until the due date so I’ve had to keep the gag count to a minimum so as not to induce any sudden movements with an unrestrained bout of belly laughter

Finally, I turn to my new wife. For those who don’t know, Karen and I met through work, quite bizarrely I interviewed her for a job. Needless to say she was hired and I was able to work my charm from close quarters. If I have helped her to grow as a person in the years since then the same is equally true for me.

Now that we’re married, I’ll probably have to toe the line so I’ll take this opportunity to tell you my thoughts about Karen before she tells me what I really think. Given the best man speech to come, I’m tempted to use this opportunity to tell a few embarrassing stories about Karen but I would hate to step on Phil’s toes. Perhaps then I can tell you a little about made me want to spend my life with her.

It certainly isn’t what we have in common. I like gruesome horror films, violent computer games and watching as much football and fighting as possible. She likes babies, gardening and soaps. I like curries and hot spices, she likes plain chicken. I want to spend our money on a 40” HD telly, she wants to decorate the spare room as a nursery. We even disagreed over the wording of our vows. She wanted me to say that I would commit to her in this life and the next and I said ‘hang on, let’s take one life at a time.’

So no, we don’t have a lot in common, but then they say opposites attract and let’s face it, they would have to. But it’s what makes her different that stands out to me. Her generous character, her warmth and compassion. The way she looks at me like I trod on her dog when I wake her up in the morning. The fact that we have to buy her cereal from the kids section at Sainsbury’s.

And as I look at her today, I am struck by just how stunning she looks, truly a picture of beauty and elegance both inside and out. I’m sure you would agree ladies and gentlemen, as we stand here side by side ready to enjoy the rest of our lives together… what a lucky, lucky woman. And yet I too feel blessed. Yes she’ll try to wring a couple of kids out of me straight away and no, I don’t think she has bought me that 40” HD telly for my birthday. But even so, I am truly thankful that she came into my life. As much as I love her today, I know that I will love her doubly so tomorrow, and each day after for the rest of our lives. Ladies and gentleman a toast to the bride, Karen.

Wouldn't it be nice to jump in a time machine and go back and fix some of the things that went wrong?

None of the big things, just some of the small things. You know, those things that pop into your head at two in the morning for no reason and make you embarrassed, even though no-one else knows what it was or that you're thinking about it.

Well, here are a few of mine...

...the time I decided to 'fix' the broken plug, couldn't pull the socket off the wall so shoved the screwdriver in there, only to discover that I hadn't turned the electricity off and got the shock of my life...

...the 'short cut' that ended up with us going in a circle and adding thirty minutes to the journey...

...preparing some red hot chillies with my hands, stopping to go for a pee, then wondering why my, er, 'special area' was stinging like an angry wasp...

...slipping over in the snow just as a bus full of passengers drove past...

...walking through town, noticing a draft in the leg area and noticing that my fly had been open for goodness knows how long...

...admiring my mum's new bathroom, reaching up to inspect the shower rail and pulling it down, breaking it in two...

...aged six or seven, pointing to a 'To Let' sign, thinking it said toilet...

...walking out of the chip shop, reach down to take a bite of my jumbo sausage and drop it on the floor, pick it up hoping no-one noticed and see a woman walking past who stopped and said, 'I saw that'...

...getting drunk at a work party, getting out of the taxi to be sick then staggering home for five miles and feeling so ill that I don't make it in the next day, only to find when I get back in on Monday that someone made up a story that I wet myself in a taxi and was thrown out...

...getting one of my girls ready for bed, put on her sleepsuit and can't figure out why it doesn't quite fit, only to realise that I have put her arms in the leg holes and legs in the arm holes...

...and many, many more.